Jealousy and envy showed up in our marriage when I felt like Jena was more “important” than I was. We remember a specific time when Jena was leading a women’s retreat, and the people in attendance were changed by the message that God had given her. As these women kept coming to me with praise of how God moved and what a wonderful job Jena did in leadership, I found myself envious of her glory. I turned Jena’s good attributes, accomplishments, and achievements into a source of anger, because I couldn’t handle her getting more credit than I did.
We have had many couples sit and talk with us, where one spouse or sometimes both would say, “My spouse just doesn’t support me,” or “He won’t let me have any friends,” or “She won’t let me lead Bible study,” or “She knows I love to sing, but she refuses to support the gifts God has given me.” We attempt to hold one another captive to our own neediness, refusing to be content with who we are, and not allowing our spouse to be who God made them to be. The truth is that we must all be content where God has us—anything good in us comes from God anyway. We had nothing to do with it and He will not share His Glory with another. We can be content with the glory God has uniquely placed in each of us and appreciate that about the other instead of brooding in jealousy over it.
Learning to love in your marriage means you are not jealous. Love is not grieved at the good of others—their gifts, qualities, positions, or prosperity in life.
Loving through contentment is also being satisfied with your personal standard of living. Marriages often struggle because couples compare their own lives with the wealth and accomplishments of others. “Keeping up with the Joneses” can drive a wedge between a couple, as the pressure rises to acquire more and live outside your means, instead of being content with what God has provided.
It would be a great display of love to look at your spouse and clearly communicate that you love them just the way they are, and you are content with where you are together as Christ continues to grow you in your life. This doesn’t mean you don’t strive to improve, but rather you are content while ever striving.
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