Love Is Even-Tempered

Anger, hot-temperedness, being easily provoked, being easily irritated, and offering threatening responses in both word and actions are all forms of control in marriage. Why control? Because if we can exhibit these kinds of things, we can control people to act like we want them to act and get them to do what we want them to do.

Yet 1 Corinthians commands that our love be demonstrated by being even-tempered. To be even-tempered means "not easily ruffled, annoyed, or disturbed; calm". Being angry and hot-tempered is a serious problem in marriages today. At the heart of anger is a wound—our neediness and expectations have been unfulfilled, so we vent. Our spouse has done or said something that hurt us, so we lash out in anger, to get the situation and our feelings back under our control.

For example, our spouse does something that makes you feel insecure or insignificant. You might say something or do something to embarrass them or "put them in their place" so that you can then feel better about yourself and have the control over your spouse to "make up for their mistake". Instead of gently coming to them and sharing how their words or actions wounded you, you wound them, and it leaves the marriage disconnected and broken.

When intimacy is broken down by our demanding spirits, controlling attitudes, and anger, we behave totally opposite of God’s plan for loving one another. Loving your spouse in ways as described in 1 Corinthians 13 means that you make decisions that soften and do not irritate your husband or wife. You demonstrate love to your spouse in a manner that stimulates positive responses and calming attitudes, that breed growth and connectedness in the marriage, for greater intimacy.

Maybe the best way to have a fulfilling marriage relationship is not to be in control, but rather out of your control and left in the control of the Lord. When placed in His hands, His Spirit is each of you can help you respond in loving ways that promote growth and transformation in your lives and relationships.

Love Is Unselfish

The selfish heart is at the core of all marital struggles. If it were not for selfishness, the divorce rate in this country would be basically non-existent. Selfishness drives all of us, at some time.

Isaiah 53:6 says, “We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way.”

Think about sheep. They are just nt that smart. They are constantly going their own way, only to find themselves lost and needing to be led to green pastures or beside the still waters, or they are being stalked and devoured by wolves! Sounds like our lives, huh? That's why Isaiah said we are like a bunch of dumb sheep! Let’s face it, we are self-centered in our flesh, wanting what we want, when we want it! Yet God has so much to say about that!

2 Corinthians 5:17 says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

And what does this new life look like?

Luke 9:23 says, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me."

We are to be transformed into His image, becoming more like Him, and less like us.

God commands us to love our neighbors, even our spouses first, as ourselves.

Matthew 22:39 says, "Love your neighbor as yourself."

Herein lies the problem. Because we are selfish, we tend to love ourselves more than we do our spouses. We choose to disobey God and not serve our spouse because we’d rather have our own needs met. We want our way, on our timetable. Unselfish love, however, commands that we constantly ask, “How can I serve my spouse today?” This does not mean that you become a doormat, that everything is one-sided, or you get taken advantage of, but rather you become “givers” more than “takers.” If both spouses operate from a “giver” perspective rather than a “taker” perspective, love can truly transform their home.

So, we dare you! See who can "out-serve" the other this week!!!!

On your mark......