Love Is Kind

Our family has taken many trips to Wal-Mart. On one of these ventures, we got out of the car and approached the entrance right behind an elderly woman. When she dropped her keys, I immediately bent down and retrieved them for her. When I did, she flowered me with accolades, compliments, and encouragement. The thank-yous were numerous. I showed her that chivalry was not dead. As Jena and the kids walked through the store, they noticed how proudly I walked, strutting around after performing such a good deed. When we went to checkout, Jena reached into her purse, pulled out her checkbook, and dropped her keys. As the knight in shining armor by her side, I said, “Hey Jena, you dropped your keys.”

Where did the kindness go? Why was I so kind to a woman I didn’t know but not to Jena? We thought about this later and realized some truths that gave us a new perspective on our marriage. First, Jena expected me to pick up her keys; after all, I had just done it for a stranger. Second, I didn’t pick up her keys because I took her for granted, knowing that she was quite capable of picking them up herself. Third, I perceived my “ministry field” with the wrong perspective. I wasn’t considering my marriage as a place of ministry.

We view our children, our church, our friendships, and even the perfect stranger at Wal-Mart as our ministry field, yet God has called us to minister to our mates first. The Bible clearly states in 1 Timothy 3:5 that a man cannot manage the things of God if he cannot manage his own home. The sad truth in marriages today is that we are more patient and kind to perfect strangers and friends than we are to our own mates. When we don’t get our needs met, we say and do very unkind things to force our spouse to respond to us. This is neediness and manipulation in its purest form.

To be kind in marriage is to be gentle in behavior, courteous, and obliging. It carries the picture of outstretched arms and open hands to show favor, blessings, and honor to the mate God has given you. Now that’s ministering through kindness. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” We asked an elderly couple who attended one of our conferences the secret to their 50-plus years of marriage, and they both answered, “We just learned to be kind to one another.” Kindness goes a long way in preserving a marriage.

Read More 4 comments | Posted by Dale and Jena

4 comments

1. Amy J. on February 9, 2010 at 8:45 AM

   Great reminder about out field of ministry. Thank you both for sharing your story and these great blog posts. My husband and I have greatly benifited from hearing you speak at Ridgecrest. Your sharing has helped us as we continue to renew and strengthen our marraige. May God continue to bless you, your family and your ministry.

    
2. Special K on February 9, 2010 at 11:05 AM

   well said...thank you for sharing...

    
3. Carrie Woods on February 10, 2010 at 7:08 PM

   Marriage as ministry. Marriage as ministry. Marriage as ministry. Trying to stick this one in deep so it doesn't keep slipping out:) Thanks for the reminders!

    
4. Cynthia M on February 12, 2010 at 6:44 AM

   Such a great observation. Thanks for sharing.